Dick Rick - 6'1, 215 lbs. Jobe's sweat-soaked muscles shine, his package bulges as he suffers in Dick Rick's surfboard The pro wrestling stars sweat buckets as Dick slams Jobe down in an over the knee backbreaker Not satisfied with the wrecked abs, Dick applies a skullcrushing claw to put his foe's lights out Jobe Zander wails, his back strapped across Dick's broad shoulders and spine-snapping torture rack
The Big Dick versus The Big Centerpiece
"They told me I was working someone named ... Dick Rick." "They got that right." "What the hell was your mom thinking when she named you 'Richard Rick'?" With affected patience, Dick Rick explains that "Rick" is his name, but "Dick" is a "title." Jobe frees his sunglasses from the waistband of his tights, as if he needs his shades to process this information: "All right, well, your mama named you that, but, you know, the GODS named me 'The Dick.'" His hands sweep down to the turkey-leg bulge at his crotch for validation.
The gods may, indeed, have named Jobe Zander "The Dick," because nobody we know of is as vicious, insensitive, and so totally wrapped up in himself as he. Well, except for maybe Dick Rick. The chance to pit these two brutal narcissists against each other in the ring was, quite frankly, irresistible. A showdown over outstanding accomplishments in total dickery was just too damned titillatingly tempting and too terribly tasty, and we at BG East, to cite the great Oscar Wilde, "can resist everything but temptation."
The bell sounds for the start of the match. Dick offers his hand to Jobe in an ostentatious show of good sportsmanship. He even claims, with grandiloquent self-effacement, to understand how his mere presence might be construed as an unintended insult to The Centerpiece and humbly offers to excuse himself from the match. Like two prima donna sopranos in the same spotlight, can two world-class dicks share the same wrestling ring?
But Dick is not halfway through the ropes when Jobe, true to form, attacks him from behind. He hurls the handsome hunk to the corner for a furious stompdown, followed by a gasping, choking, deep-tissue throat-massage against the top rope! Jobe promises Dick he'll be "pissing blood" before he's done with him as the violence to the primped and polished body-beautiful escalates. Then, after three speedy two-counts in succession fail to provide an easy pinfall win, Jobe starts getting really testy! He goes for the low blow ... twice ... which is enough to fire Rick up for a serious retaliation. In case there was any doubt that Dick Rick was only pretending to be nice earlier, the spine-busting savagery of his payback speaks for itself ... and gives us exactly what we were hoping for.
Dick pushes up off the mat for leverage and additional pressure to a crushing cross body scissors
The Centerpiece is on ample display across Dick's knees in this mormon sickle suspended bow & arrow
Jobe Zander - 6'0, 190 lbs. Jobe uses the ropes, plants his package on Dick's back and chokes the life out of him The Centerpiece is trapped in the ropes, his abs mauled by a deep, tenacious gut claw The title of supreme dick is up for grabs as sweat-soaked Jobe cries out in a wrenching camel clutch Gravity works against Jobe as his sweaty, muscled mass is hoisted high in a body vice backbreaker
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